Priorities
I had a date for lunch today. She called me when she got out of class, and I was supposed to go pick her up so that we could go out to eat. She just had bad timing, really, because I was in the middle of a head-to-head match on Halo 2. I mean, I couldn't just leave in the middle of a match. Who does that? So I made her walk over to my apartment.
Doctor visit
I now weigh 203.5 lbs., on the doctor's official scale. It just keeps going up.
I asked the doctor about how I've been sleeping a lot lately (14 hours is weird for me). I was hoping that I had mono, but he checked me out and thought it was more likely that I had either leukemia or depression. That's lame. I don't think either of those pay very well.
Nocturnal
It's 10:15pm, and I just woke up an hour ago.
I couldn't sleep last night, so I ended up staying up all night playing X-men. Then when I got home from church I fell asleep. I slept all day.
I don't know how to recover from this. What if my sleep schedule is now permanently up-side down?
Be vs. Earl
Late last night Gabe, Tyler and I went to Beto's. I thought I'd step it up.
I first ordered the cheese quesadilla. The guy taking my order looked confused at me, and said "Are you sure? It's just cheese?" If you have ordered the quesadilla before, then you'll understand why he'd try to talk me out of it. The quesadilla is just a giant wad of cheese in a tortilla. It's more grease than food. Which is, of course, why I wanted it.
Then I ordered two burritos: I tried the Ranchero, and I ordered my favorite, the Adobada. The guy asked me if we wanted to pay together or separate, and I told him together so that I wouldn't have to explain that all three meals were for me.
Tyler ordered the chimichanga, which gave Gabe an idea: What if we had them deep fat fry one of the regular burritos? The worker obliged as though it were a natural suggestion (which maybe it is in mexican countries), and so I had a giant Ranchero chimichanga.
I ate the quesadilla in 1 minute and 27 seconds. About 3/4 of the way through the Ranchero chimichanga I got full. I, of course, ate it anyway. The Adobada would become my nemesis, and we named him Earl.
The very first bite of Earl almost killed me. I was already full, and I couldn't eat any more. I ate another bite anyway. I thought I was going to hurl. I ate another bite. The bite size didn't get smaller, but the time it took me to get it down got longer with each successive bite. Sometimes my stomach would tell me to stop, and it would threaten to send back up what I'd already put down. I'd have to stop in the middle of the current bite and breath really slow and calm, and then I'd keep chewing once I'd lulled my stomach into a false sense of security. I tried to stop eating over and over, but Tyler kept encouraging me to finish what I'd started, and I listened. By the end I don't think I was even swallowing anymore. I'd just chew the bites until they were liquefied enough to slide down my throat without any effort. I had probably an inch and a half of burrito left at the bottom when my stomach refused to take any more and I had to spit the last bite out to keep myself from vomiting.
The Adobada had once been my favorite. Beto's was my favorite place to go eat. Now I was in horrible pain, both from my stomach being stretched beyond its capacity, and my throat was burning from the spices sitting in my mouth and trickling down.
It still hurts today, but I guess everything paid off. Today I weigh 202.2 lbs., even on the most conservative of the scales that I've weighed myself on. And it's a good thing I made my goal, because I don't know if I'll ever be able to eat again.
Fondu You
So you're into a certain girl, and you try to spend time with her to ascertain whether or not that interest is mutual so that you can take further action. One day it seems like she is totally into you, and she's flirty and happy to see you and sad when you leave and can't wait to see you again. You think that things are good. Then the very next day she acts like she couldn't care less if you were even friends or not. Every guy that's ever liked a girl knows what I'm talking about, and I think we've all experienced the ITB-reversal. Why does she do this?
So I've been described as being a "fondu pot" by a few girls that I know, as a metaphor for how I'm different every time they interact with me, and that they never know what they're going to get. I've known a lot of girls who have told me that they just "don't get me" or that they don't know "what to make of me." I had thought that with such a consistent review, they must be right. Recently, however, I've realized that never has a guy told me that he didn't know what to make of me, or that he didn't get me, or that "sometimes I think me and Bryant are friends, and other times I think he doesn't like me at all."
My conclusion:
I am not a fondu pot at all. It's girls. They're the ones that are inconsistent and unpredictable, and they've seen me through their inconsistent eyes and been unable to understand, not because I'm always changing, but because they are. It's not me, it's you.
Betos++
Today I decided to step up my normal Beto's routine by going one step greasier: the Chimichanga. I assumed that it would be the normal fatness of a Beto's burrito, but deep fat fried. I was, sadly, disappointed. Not with the chimichanga itself, because it was very good. I was disappointed by the fact that it seemed slimmer, and was trimmed with vegetables. I think a normal burrito from that place has more lard on the inside than could be soaked up by a simple tortilla shell, so the chimichanga just couldn't match up.
So this evening I decided to make up for the lack of fat with my first multi-restaurant experience. I went to Denny's and ordered a cup of their country gravy, and then I went to Beto's and got a California burrito, which I covered (and smothered) in the gravy before eating it.
If heaven were a burrito, it would be smothered and covered.
Weight Gain
I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks, and I've gained 10 lbs. since the last weigh-in. My goal for this week is to break 200 lbs.
It's Official
I just wanted a post that was called that, too. I'm just trying to fit in.
Super Nice Guy
I just saw a sign on a table that said "Thank you for not moving this table."
That was nice of me, thought I.
In fact, I'm doing nice things all of the time, now that I think about it. People are always thanking me for things, like not smoking, not walking on the grass, not feeding the animals....
I might never even go outside again. I bet the nicest thing I could do for society would be to never do anything, and then they'd have all kinds of things to thank me for.
I can hear you getting fatter
I looked at myself in the mirror today after I had a Twix ice cream bar for the dessert of my second Beto's meal of the day. I think I could see myself getting fatter. I haven't been in front of a mirror for a few hours, but at the rate I was going, I should look
about like this by now.
The Life and Death of the Darth Cannon
A little over a month ago my ward had a dumb activity in which I didn't want to participate. So, instead of going to the activity, Tyler and I built a gun.
My friend Ryan and I had built a potato gun in high school, and I think Tyler had done the same, so we both knew the basic operations and what we needed. At the hardware store, we discovered that this is not only a very common practice, but that they don't necessarily like helping with this, so they don't readily sell the parts that we needed. We ended up compromising and making due with what they had, but in the process, we developed a new kind of potato cannon.
The Darth Cannon
TM had a fail-safe. In the event that the pressure in the chamber was too high, instead of breaking the combustion chamber, it would blow-off the barrel to relieve the pressure. We were invincible. We couldn't hurt ourselves with this.
So, as any good college students who had built a gun, Tyler and I did science experiments on it. (I bet you thought we were going to use it to break things, huh?) We took it to the baseball field and measured the distances it traveled with different fuel-filling styles, until we'd figured out how to best use the Darth Cannon.
Unfortunately, the Darth Cannon met its end this weekend. We'd gone up the canyon to sit around a bonfire, and I'd gotten bored. So, naturally, I pulled the Darth Cannon out of my trunk (where everyone keeps their home-made guns) and loaded it up. I readjusted the barrel because it had gotten a little crooked in my trunk, but I guess I didn't tighten it up enough afterwards. When I shot it, instead of the potato flying out, the barrel itself shot off. This was good, of course, because it proved that my fail-safe would work, but in all of the excitement, I kind of broke off the trigger ignition that we'd put on it.
For Loyd
I found out today why everyone was such jerks to you at CompUSA. (Not that you
personally would have done anything like this; Maybe it's a statement about the organization itself.)
I went in to get a wireless router, because they had a really good sale on them today, and they were dirt cheap after the rebates. I decided to get three of them. (Seriously, they were really cheap.) So I got all rung up and everything, and when the rebates printed out, they only gave me one rebate form. I told the girl that I needed 3 of the forms, and
then she tells me that I only get one rebate per household. Did it say this on the price tag on the shelf advertising the rebate? No. Did the sales person that went and got the things from the back tell me? Even though I made a big deal about how cheap they were and how I should just get a bunch of them at that price? No. He didn't say anything. And of course the cashier also didn't say anything until I complained about not having enough rebate forms. So, then they had to go through this big thing to return two of the routers, acting the whole time like it was my fault for making them do this.
Would it have really been that hard to just be up front with me about the deal in the first place? That's why people are mean when they go in there.
On not sleeping
When I wake up in the morning I'm always tired and I hate getting up, no matter how early I went to bed the night before. I stay tired for about an hour or so, and then by the time I'm up and doing things, I'm not tired anymore.
The same thing happens when I don't sleep. I get really tired in the early morning hours, around 7 am (which is really the earliest morning hours that exist for me, since times before that are part of my night schedule, not morning). Then by about 10 am, I'm not tired anymore, and I go about my day the same as I would normally, and the lack of sleep doesn't even affect me.
Some people think that if you don't sleep one night then the next night you'll be so tired that you'll just fall right asleep. Not so. Once your day starts and you get over being sleepy, then you've passed the point of no return. You've lost those sleep hours, and you can't catch up on them by sleeping more the next night.
Despite all of these things against me, I have finally found the one thing that can make me fall asleep at any time, regardless of how much sleep I've already had:
Class.
